Waiting

We wait everyday. Wait for it to be time to go to work. Wait for it to be time to go home. Wait in line at the store. Wait for it to be time to have fun. Wait for it to be time to sleep. Wait for the aching in the heart to fade. Wait for the feeling of love to envelope us again. Wait to be ready for our lives to happen. Wait for our live to happen.

Waiting for you, waiting for me, waiting for them.

Patience is a virtue.

I think I need to be more virtuous.

Sometimes it is good to be alone

There are times when you are alone, no matter how crowded the room. There are times when you are alone, and not a soul is around. But you are never alone, because the ghosts in your heart will always be with you, to share the good and the bad. The long lonely nights, the short fun filled minutes.

No matter what it is that you are doing you are never truly alone. I think sometimes the ghosts are the ones that we wish the most to spend our time with, and other times they are the ones we wish to get away from the most.

Haunted past memories of lovers, friends and family. Never is a person truly alone. If we ever did lose those memories, no matter how anguishing they may seem while we see them now, think of how alone we would truly be if we didn’t have them.

Would it truly be better to not have those memories at all and be completely alone, or is it better on those long cold nights to have the past to keep us company? Even if the past isn’t always something that we loved, or are happy to have happened to us, the reward of retaining those bad memories is the gift of having the good memories too.

Do you ever wonder if fairy tales could be true?

You always hear people say that the stuff in movies only happens in Hollywood. What if it doesn’t just happen in the movies though? What if the reason that people are able to write stories like the ones they make movies about is because it happens in real life.

Driving to work

On my way to work this morning I was thinking about life and how it can relate to movies. I was remembering how when I was in high school my all time favorite movie was “Some Kind of Wonderful”. I don’t know if you remember this movie but was a great flick about a boy who has a best friend that is a girl, the best friend of course being a tom boy and obviously through the whole movie you can see that she is in love with him. Meanwhile she has to go and help him try to win the girl of his dreams. Great flick, had a lot of teenage issues addressed in it, and of course love.

Back to my drive now. I was driving into work when out of no where a line from the movie popped into my head. "I would rather be alone for the right reasons than be with some one for the wrong reasons."

Most of my time in my adult life I have had a love interest of some kind or another. Ok maybe saying love pushes it to far, romantic intrest might be more like it. Now keep in mind I don’t usually go out of my way to find these interests, I think it is more of a happening that occurs.

Recently though I had a tough choice to make. Some one I truly care about and love as a person and as a friend, who I also dated not so long ago, wanted me to meet him for Halloween. Not only that but I know that he still loves me and would want to marry me if I was so inclined.

Not a bad guy, wants a lot of things out of life that I want to, plus I love him (not to be confused with being in love with him mind you). So what is the hold up here? I have been thinking about it a lot and I think that is why that line from the movie popped into my head today as I was driving to work. Silly how stuff like that happens ‘cause really at the time I wasn’t thinking about him at all. I saw a black mustang convertible, and POP “I would rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons” was in my head. I think it is a good feeling to know that. I would rather be alone and able to hold my head up, once again (not that I think being in a relationship with him would be all bad, he is an incredible guy really, I just don’t think we were meant to be.)

As sad as that makes me, I am happy as well. It feels good to know that I am doing something right in my life for a change. Who knows, maybe it will become a habit.

As I sit here pondering...

Wasn't that a poem some time ago?

Okay reality is..I smoke. I drink. I have four kids. I am single. I have a big heart.

Enough about me, how about we talk about you for a few.

Never mind that if you want to talk about you get your own blog.

Life is getting better. Everyday is still a gift. Sometimes is seems like a gift that your grandma gave you when you really, really wanted that kewl toy that all the other kids on the block had and you get something like gloves instead, but still it is a gift. I am trying to make the most of it. Trying hard to not make it become a "Why should I try so hard?", to something that I just do. That way maybe some day, hopefully soon, it will become a "I am soo happy that I did try", and I don't have to try so hard anymore it becomes something I enjoy doing.

I know people that love life. I sit back and I look at them and I think how awesome that must be. Most of those people are so damn sure that their way is the right way too. Funny how it coincides with happiness.

Not that long ago I knew exactly what it was that I wanted out of life. How to go and get it, and what I was gonna do when I did get it. I think, like a lot of those people, I believed that I knew exactly the right and true way. Maybe that is the secret to happiness, not really knowing the right or wrong way, but believing in yourself that you know what is right and wrong.

I believe that I know what is right and wrong, at least for me, but as I have gotten older, I realize that life is not even as gray as I once thought it was. Sometimes the lines are so close in shades of gray, it is difficult to see where one thought stops and the other begins.

I envy people who can sit there and say this is how it is. There is no other side to take. It is my belief and I don’t need to look any further. Must be nice. LOL … think maybe my problem is that I don’t see things as a one or even a two sided object. I see life as a multi-sides maze of wonders and beliefs that you can’t possible just say that is the way it is. I do think you can say that is the way it is for me, but hey, most people don’t go that far.

I guess the few things in this world that I can sit here and say for a fact is this…I smoke….I drink…I have four wondrous kids…I am single… I have a big heart.

For now I think that is enough.

And out of the Blue

If I could give you a super power I would make you the human calculator. That way you could tell if someone has given you the wrong change at the store. You would also be able to change Celsius to Fahrenheit and Fahrenheit to Celsius with no problem at all. My only concern would be….Would Jorie use her powers for good! Or would she be tempted to use her powers for evil! I am inclined to believe that you would use your powers to help the sick or the needy. Answering for the masses such questions as what is the cosine of a particular angel. It is nice to have saviors like you in our universe protecting us common and uninteresting folks. Praise be Jorie queen of Sheba.

-squire Nick

Of course my faithfull squire I would use this incredible power for good, I see no evil in the world and would not know what to do if I did run across such a thing... is there really such a thing as evil.. for I believed this was a myth invented to scare small children at night so they would go to be on time.
Queen Jorie

Good Queen Jorie,
It is good to see that our young queen is also so wise. Your people appreciate your efforts to tame the land, and are comforted by your mercy. Such was the case when you proclaimed the elimination of all bad haircuts within your kingdom. While the poor still may go hungry they are now comforted by there nicely trimmed head of hair. Such efforts have imbued a deep sense of loyalty within your country. It is an honor for me to serve the fancies of the queen. I would kick a puppy if you asked me to and even if you wont. I have even constructed a paperclip necklace in your honor. You will always have our admiration.

Most Unworthily Yours,
Squire Nick

I am truly honored, there is not stone that is more precious, no metal as valued as the paperclip. It is good to see that my actions as your Benevolant and Magestic Queen are indeed appreciated by the common person, such as yourself. Truly, one never knows if the thrones policies will be appreciated and one must not really hope that the common man can understand or see the wisdom of our ways, we must strive to continiously do what is best for the people and our treasurey.
Graciously and Magestically Yours,
Queen Jorie



...i find it humorous

wow so it has been a looonnnnnggg time

I am exactly the type of person to not be doing this sort of thing....writing a blog. I don't make it very interesting that is for sure. Look at how long it has been since I have written in this damn thing.

Lately though I have been having a rough time. Well ok, so I was doing great....way better than I have been for a long time....then I decided to quit smoking.

I have been driving everyone in my life nuts.
I am a total terror to be around, and really and all around psychotic bitch.

And the worst thing is that I haven't been able to quit.

I make it like one day and then I have just one. Then I go the next day and have just one. I do this for like a week till finnaly I realize I am just prolonging the inevitable, I cave and smoke tons.

Well not anymore. I don't know what I have to do but I am no longer gonna smoke.

I am no longer gonna bitch.

I took what was left of my ciggs and tore them up and threw them away.

So incase anyone is out there and reading this say a little pray... send a happy thought my way...but whatever you do....don't call the soon to be raving bitch. At least not for a week.